Being a parent may seem like hard work, but it does give you some pretty great material for Twitter. Kids say some wild things and do some even wilder things, so why not share them with all of your followers?
My greatest accomplishment as a parent has been convincing my kids that Chuck E. Cheese is only open once a year.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) April 17, 2018
My son asked me how you would know if the inside of your nose smelled funny and it’s kept me awake for 4 days
— Shenanigans (@moron_online) April 16, 2018
Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY
Me: good job!
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES
Me: i’m proud of you
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY PANTS
Toddler: AND NOT ON THE TOOTHBRUSHES
Me: wait what
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) February 1, 2018
6y.o: “What’s this?”
Me: “A baked potato.”
6: “You know what would be better? If this potato was frenched and fried.”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 16, 2018
Only some things are guaranteed in life; taxes, death, and a toddler who demands more french fries before even finishing the ones he has.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 11, 2018
Dentist: Looks like you have been grinding your teeth. Do you know the reason why? Stress? Lack of sleep?
Me: I have four. Would you like to see their school pictures?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 19, 2018
What’s it like to have a bunch of kids who “borrow” your stuff?
I just filled out a permission slip with a Crayola marker.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 17, 2018
Become a parent to discover how angrily you can serve someone crackers.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 17, 2018
Becoming a parent has taught me that I’m extremely sensitive to noise and smells. And messes. Also, repeating myself. And when my kids grab new cups every time they want a sip of water. Why is this necessary??? But other than that, only these 256 other things bother me.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 15, 2018
Me trying to make dinner for two kids and a newborn every night looks like an episode of Chopped, Super Nanny and Intervention rolled into one.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) April 10, 2018
My 8yo was all like, "Sorry Dad, I forgot my homework," and ran outside to play.
"Sorry son," I replied, and plopped down the homework a mom screenshot from his classmate's homework, sent to me and I printed out. "Sucks to be you growing up in 2018."
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 19, 2018