If you’ve ever been in a less-than-stellar relationship, then you know how difficult it can be to see how much it sucks. Even if people are telling you. This is particularly true when you’re in love with somebody, or at least completely infatuated — the way people are when they first kick off a new relationship.
That being said, it’s almost more difficult to recognize when certain things are lacking than when red flags are present. At the beginning of a fresh romance, people don’t tend to think about what isn’t…but they should. On that note, if these 17 things haven’t happened within the first 90 – count ’em – 90 days of dating, it’s time to call it quits. Cut your losses and gtfo.
17. You two haven’t become “Facebook official,” even though you’ve asked him to.
Being Facebook official is not important to a lot of people, but if it is to you, then it’s no skin off his back to announce his relationship on social media. If he shows resistance, you better bet he’s hiding something.
16. He hasn’t said “thank you,” like, ever.
If he’s never said thank you for anything you’ve done, he doesn’t appreciate you. If he takes you for granted this early in the relationship, there is no potential for you to grow as a couple.
15. He still leaves you on read/ takes forever to respond.
When calls and texts go unanswered for hours (or god forbid, days!) at a time, all it means is that you are not a priority for him. If he struggles to keep in the most basic of communication with you, he’s honestly just not that into you. ESPECIALLY when he appears to be on his phone all the time.
14. He hasn’t met your friends.
Unwillingness to meet your buds means he either can’t be bothered, or he sees no need to do it because he doesn’t plan on sticking around for that long.
13. You haven’t had a discussion about anything remotely deep or emotional.
If he seems emotionally closed off or is reluctant to in any way discuss his past or his relationships with friends, family, or exes, he is holding back some serious baggage.
12. He refuses to make future plans.
It doesn’t have to be big plans, but if he refuses to talk about the future in any way, he doesn’t intend on committing to you.
11. He hasn’t gotten to know you well enough to know who you are.
If three months in he still doesn’t know about your passions, your dreams, and goals, about who you are in essence, then he hasn’t bothered to find out. If he hasn’t bothered to find out it’s because he literally does not care — it may hurt to hear, but that’s a fact.
10. You haven’t seen much of your friends or family, at all.
It’s one thing to cloister away together at the beginning of a relationship because you simply can’t get enough of one another – but if you’re neglecting your friends and family because he begs you not to spend any time away from him, this is a huge red flag.
9. He hasn’t apologized. For anything. Ever.
Three months is a long enough time to make a mistake. If he’s messed up and hasn’t apologized — especially more than once — then expect to be the one to blamefor everything that goes wrong in your relationship.
8. He hasn’t stopped partying heavily with his friends — every weekend.
It is one thing to go out on the town with the boys, and another to do so heavily, every weekend. If this is how he’s behaving during the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship, how do you think that bodes for you once you’re a year in? Two? Five?
7. He hasn’t stopped talking about his ex.
Mentioning past relationships is totally fine, until it becomes a regular topic of conversation. If he’s still talking about his ex a ton that means he is thinking about them and probably stacking you up against them.
6. He says things that imply he “needs” to “take it slow.”
If he says things like “let’s just see where this goes,” or “I’m so busy with work right now,” or “I’m still healing from my bitch ex,” GTFO!!! He’s got some side chicks, and you’re one of them.
5. You haven’t stopped feeling kind of weird or off about him in the pit of your stomach.
And not in a cutesy lovey-dovey “butterflies” sort of way. More like, something in your gut feels wrong and you just keep ignoring it even though you know you should always trust your intuition. He might even tell you you’re “crazy” or “sensitive” or “over-reacting” when you try to bring your concerns up in conversation. We call this gaslighting.
4. He hasn’t stopped taking his phone into the bathroom every time he goes in there.
Once in a while is understandable. But every time? Even when he showers? This is usually a sign he’s got something to hide.
3. He hasn’t taken responsibility — for anything.
This includes small things within your relationship, but it also applies to everything in his life. If he is constantly blaming all of his misfortunes on external people and events, he is sure to gaslight you over any little disagreement.
2. He hasn’t paid you any compliments.
If he has stopped telling you nice things within 90 days of your relationship, you should consider why he wants to be with you in the first place. If you already feel invisible and unpretty in the relationship, these feelings will worsen until they implode. Leave before it gets more difficult to.
1. You haven’t had a fight or a single disagreement.
If he caves to any and all complaints yet never takes actual steps towards change, then this is a huge problem and a template for how the rest of your time together will be. Rather than air his grievances, he’d rather just avoid confrontation – which means he’ll do whatever it takes to not be the one at fault, always.