In relationships, there may come a point in time where a couple is just not happy with each other anymore. While they’re still in love and want to be together, they are both at their ends – angry, fighting and constantly feeling jaded and hurt – so, instead of breaking up forever, one party proposes a break.
A break, or basically taking space, from your significant other may seem like a great idea in retrospect – you get the space you need to clear your head, reassess and figure out what you want and need from your relationship – but, it doesn’t always work like that.
Taking a break from a relationship can get messy very, very quickly. While you think in your mind that you’ll end up back in each other’s arms – multiple things can go down and cause the ultimate downfall of your relationship. Just look at Ross Geller and Rachel Green from friends – they were on a break.
8. You and your partner will have different ideas of what a “break” should look like.
When one person proposes you go on a break, the other person is usually not happy and pretty jaded by the idea. In many people’s eyes, a break is one step closer to a break-up – because, a lot of times it’s a prelude to the inevitable. If both parties in the relationship decide they do want to take space and go on a break, they usually disagree on what “rules” should be in place – do you speak to other people, do you see other people, do you speak or see each other?
It can become messy and chaotic if you’re not on the same page as the person you are with and – if you’re proposing to go on a break – chances are you won’t be on the same page at all.
7. You’re missing the bigger picture of what’s going on.
If you want to go on a break instead of breaking up – you’re neglecting to realize you’re not getting exactly what you need in your relationship. In fact, you are putting a band-aid on something that will continue to bleed out, no matter how many times you cover it. When you need to be apart from someone you love in that fashion, it’s because being with them doesn’t work for you.
Instead of running from that reality, it’s better to cut ties with someone you cannot fully be happy, nor work with, and make room in both of your lives for people who will love and appreciate you the way you both need.
6. You should never force someone to love you or be afraid to lose you.
Many people decide to go on a break with someone in order for their partner to face the “scary reality” of what life will be like without them. The sad thing is – you should never feel the need in any relationship to have to “test the waters” and see whether or not your partner would fight for you. You should feel comfortable in the fact that the person you are with loves you enough to want to be with you – enough to fight for your relationship. You shouldn’t have to manipulate them and their emotions to get them to show you any form of love.
According to a Huffington Post Op-Ed on “a relationship break,” one woman recalls:
Calling a break was a way of breaking up without having to break up. The idea was that it would force him to confront the reality of losing me and, when he realised what life would be like without me, he’d try harder and be kinder. I wanted to use the break as a way to hurt him, to shock him into being a better and more loving boyfriend.
You’ll be shocked to learn that it didn’t work. Of course it didn’t. Anyone who needs to be pushed into loving you in the way you need to be loved probably isn’t right for you and definitely doesn’t value you. The reality of my break was that I spent three days crying, checking my phone and writing then deleting emotional emails. He got on with his life and waited for me to burn myself out, before sending me a terse three line email asking if I wanted to end it formally.
5. You end up growing apart and not growing together anymore.
Taking a break in your relationship puts some very real space in between you and your partner. In any relationship, the idea is to grow – as a couple – and individually. However, when you’re growing individually, you’re simultaneously growing as a couple, too. If you’re no longer growing as a couple because you’ve decided to wedge space and time between the two of you-you are growing apart. You begin to grow as an individual only, losing sight of the relationship and what it needs in order to prosper.
In time, if you two decide to try to make it work again after your break – you will be working on things that the old you used to do/need. You are no longer 100% the person you were before the break and it will only backtrack both of you into older, possibly worse versions of yourselves.