You and your Best Friend? You’re very bad. You’re bad bitches, but you don’t care. You do what you want. You are who you are. And you’ll never change . . . even if it means that you will spend eternity in a cubicle made of fire while “Who Let The Dogs Out?? by the Baha Men plays on a loop. And it won’t end, because you’re already dead. But at least you’re together. You’re in this life together.
There is a special place in Hell for you and your BFF, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
These are the reasons why you and your BFF are going to Hell. But you DGAF, do you?
1. For gossiping.
2. For watching too much Gossip Girl.
3. Because it not only makes you two gossip about the fictional characters on Gossip Girl . . .
4. It also makes you gossip about the real characters in your real life, as if you’re all characters on Gossip Girl.
5. For getting drunk.
6. For getting drunk and doing slightly less stuff.
7. Like making out, you know, for fun. Just for the story.
8. For all those times you lied to your parents.
9. For all those times you lied to get out o plans.
10. Because all you wanted to do was Netflix and literally chill with your BFF.
11. For the seventh shot of tequila, you took together.
12. . . . When you knew you shouldn’t have.
13. For vomiting that shot of tequila—along with your dinner—on God’s green Earth.
14. For watching episodes of Grey’s Anatomy that you’ve already seen five times all day, when you could have done something productive, like making a pie or clean the bathroom.
15. For going out in public to get more ice cream to spill on those nasty sweatpants that you basically live in.
16. Because it’s Saturday night, and you’re going out.
17. And you’re going to sleep through church tomorrow.
18. Like you have for the past five years.
19. Or more.
20. For letting your BFF give that creepy guy at the bar your ex’s number, instead of your own.
21. For being social smokers.
22. AKA bumming cigs off every stranger you see with one.
23. For spending an entire week’s pay on brunch.
24. There is a special corner in Hell specially made to punish you and your BFF for all the selfies you post on Instagram.
25. For being super slutty sluts when you’re drunk. Because why not?
26. For all those times you said that you want to murder your enemies.
27. And all of your exes.
28. Because you promised each other that you’d go to the gym together.
29. It’s literally been years, and you still haven’t made it there.
30. But that doesn’t stop McDonald’s from making into your mouth.
31. For all the sexy sex that you have, and tell each other every last detail about.
32. For that time you paid for all that pizza, knowing that it would overdraft your bank account.
33. Speaking of money . . .
34. For all those times you promised to pay your BFF pack for something, but still never have.
35. Because you and your BFF never share food with anyone, except each other.
36. For dancing like no one is watching when everyone is watching.