The hardest part of losing your big love is not actually deciding to leave them, it’s going through the steps it takes to find peace and move on. Sometimes, love is not enough. Two flames can combust, causing fireworks that burn and leave a toxic scent, a love that was once so beautiful and happy turning quickly into a darker kind of love. It happens so fast it’s hard to know exactly when it happened and what went wrong, the shock of this sudden stroke of evil doesn’t feel real to you.
This kind of relationship is very hard to leave. You’re so accustomed to the bliss that this person brought you – they’re the one person who understands you, makes you feel flawlessly whole, they give you a level of happiness that you didn’t even think existed. It’s a pull that can only be understood by those who have experienced it.
But at your very core, you know that this love is toxic because when things are bad, they are bad – the most horrid thing you’ve ever come face-to-face with, leaving you confused and angry; it sucks the life out of you. So you decide to leave, you know that this is not fair to you, the very core of your existence can’t take it anymore.
When the dust finally settles you’re left feeling more lost than ever before. But remember, you made the right choice, and no matter how happy a person can make you if they also bring out the worst in you, they are the wrong person for you. When you’ve hit rock bottom, keep reminding yourself that.
You will find peace when you realize that no matter how much you loved your ex and they loved you, when a person is able to bring you down to your lowest low, they will hurt you again.
After actually letting go of your love, embrace everything you’re feeling. You will probably be in a tedious cycle where one day you’re totally fine, and the next you’re feeling like nothing will ever be okay again. This will pass, I can promise you that.
Don’t put a timeframe on your grieving process, your heartbreak won’t live in a single moment – the pain takes time to form because it takes time to realize what you’ve lost. You might even develop a wild streak. Enjoy each moment of being free, and know that the first few people you date after your ex will most likely be rebounds.
The realization of what you had can creep up on you at the most random times – when you’re lying next to your new someone and they smile in a way that triggers something deep inside you – bringing you back in an instant to your old love; all your memories together falling like a thousand bricks on your chest, forcing you to taste your sorrow all over again after you were sure you were over them.
Be patient with your heart, don’t settle for the wrong person because you’re lonely, there is no rush. Wait for a love that makes your cells dance again. Learn to be alone; this will force you to wake up and cultivate a life that you actually want, it will force you to grow into the person you want to be. You can only attract what you put out, fall in love with yourself first: Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. Only then will you be sure when you meet the right person because you will be sure of yourself.
Eventually, you will find a new love. A love that exists on one entity of happiness, not on both misery and ecstasy. The best part about going through something so traumatic is that this time you won’t have tolerance for any bullshit – when you’re in a new relationship, you’ll spot the warning signs before it’s too late. There is no bringing you down ever again.
This is probably the hardest thing to accept, but sometimes fate makes the best decisions for us. Your pain will evolve you, and one day the pain will be a memory. You’ll see that the toxic relationship you had prepared you for your new love.
By taking your happiness in your hands and choosing to let go of a poisonous love, you are opening up yourself to a new love, a love that you deserve, a love that starts with you.