She wants to be strong all the time, she does, it’s just that her heart gets in the way and suddenly, life is a lot more overwhelming than it used to be. Some days she wishes she could push all her emotions aside and live her life just on her mind’s terms. That way, she wouldn’t constantly be second-guessing herself.
1. She wouldn’t have to worry all the time if maybe what she said was wrong or if she upset someone unintentionally.
But her heart won’t let her go a day without remembering how fragile it is. The things it’s been through, the cracks it’s barely survived from have made her hyper-conscious of just about everything.
From how she acts, to what she says, to what people think of her, to how someone else is feeling. She struggles with being almost too empathetic with a mind that gives zero fucks.
Because when the one she loves makes her mad, her mind wants to stay mad. Her mind wants to yell and scream and give him hell, it wants to say things that will hurt him just as badly as he hurt her.
2. Her mind wants to walk out and slam the door and never look back.
But the second he wraps her up in his arms… her heart melts. Every reason she was fuming disappears and she’s quieted by his heartbeat. She can’t even find the words she was just about to tear him apart with.
She loves him so much that there’s nothing that makes her feel more at home than in his arms.
And maybe that’s her downfall. Because her mind aches to keep fighting, deep down she craves growth and understanding on a deeper level with him.
3. Her mind is begging her to open her mouth and explain what was so hurtful and why she was so uncontrollably upset because then maybe, just maybe, it won’t happen again in the future.
But her heart is happy in his arms… so she doesn’t say anything. She has the words, sentences, paragraphs, typed up in her head ready to go, but they go unspoken.
They just sit there in her mind, collecting dust until the next time he upsets her and they came rushing back with even more force than before.
Her heart stops her with unanswered questions of, what if what she says makes him walk away? What if he realized what he did wrong without her even having to say anything?
Instead, she reasons with herself and thinks, I’ll say something if it comes up again and she lets it go.
But when she does that, she lets herself go, too.
4. She wants to hold her own, she wants to stand up for herself and be independent, but at times her heart holds her back.
She’s been so damaged in the past that now she overthinks everything to the point where her heart literally stops her from voicing things that are most important to her.
She’s caught between a strong mind and a fragile heart… and it just might break her.