You walked away and I was never the same. You didn’t fight for me. Maybe you questioned if you should turn back around. But you didn’t. You kept going and I stayed put because I couldn’t keep running after you anymore. I didn’t want to try and convince someone they should be with me. And I’m just always gonna question in my mind what didn’t I do right? What could I have done differently? Maybe I loved you a little too much.
You meant so much to me and I wanted us to face whatever we were bound to, together.
1. Why didn’t you fight?
Because I have fought for you in the past. You’re someone I’ve never given up on. I never wanted to give up on you.
If it’s you and me against the rest of the world we could make it. But the second it’s you against me and I’m the only one fighting it’s a losing battle.
I don’t have it in me to keep going. I try so hard but I don’t think I’m supposed to. It’s not supposed to be this tiring and hurt so much.
I’m not supposed to be this confused and left wondering. You take parts of me to make yourself feel whole and I’m left picking up the broken pieces of what is left behind.
2. Why didn’t you try harder?
Was it really that simple to just let me go? Why couldn’t you just put a bit more effort into us? Because if the tables were turned I would have.
I just wanted to know if I walked away you’d be right there with me. Sometimes people leave only to see if the other person will do something. And I kept looking back and staring at a phone whose silence killed me.
3. I didn’t want to walk away or give up on us. I just wanted to see if you cared. And it broke me more than anything to see that you didn’t.
Maybe there was something you weren’t telling me. Maybe there was someone else. Maybe I’ll never get those types of answers. But for me, it was only you.
Regardless, of everything you put me through I loved you. I would have accepted everything about you. Whatever each of us lacked it seemed the other had.
4. I thought we complemented one another wonderfully, but I guess I was wrong.
I think part of me will always miss you. I think part of me missed you even when you were a foot in front of me. Because even with arms wrapped around me as we lay in the same bed I always felt like we were miles apart and the inevitable was you leaving.
With that knowledge, it didn’t make it hurt any less when my fears became a reality but the reality you created quickly became hell, as I struggled to understand how I even got here, to begin with.