He was a super nice guy and everything I could have wanted on paper, checking off every box if there was one. Respectful and polite. He was educated, had an excellent job and came from a nice family. He was every text and call I knew would be answered. He was every date planned days ahead. He opened every door, pulled out every chair and paid for every bill.
He could hold a conversation and he could make me laugh and I really did enjoy his company. Or that’s what I told myself in the time we were together.
But in reality, I was missing something I couldn’t quite explain. The excitement and mystery of someone who kept me on my toes guessing. I didn’t like having someone I could read so easily.
That’s always how I felt about nice guys. Like unwanted bait, I took it for only a moment before ever allowing myself to be hooked.
Then I’d gravitate towards people who were complicated because my heart was anything but simple and I was semi-addicted to these types of relationships where nothing about it was easy. The best things and people never are.
I love hard and I also love the right way. It’s the type of thing very few can handle. I also happen to love the people who make me earn it not the ones who just give it away like it’s a free sample at Costco.
You get that from people who’ve known heartbreak. From the types of people who know pain at such an extreme level, average people don’t understand it.
It’s those people I find most beautiful. The ones a lot of people look past and classify as different.
Those people are like art. Smeared paint and complete chaos making up something too beautiful for words.
The spontaneity I don’t get from the nice guy. I don’t need someone who is going to ask to hold my hand or kiss me.
I need someone who is going to push me up against a wall and kiss me when midway through talking too much.
The nice guy will ask how my day was. The complicated yet fascinating guy will ask, what did I do to better than the day before?
I have to put time into them to gain their trust and learn all their secrets.
The screaming fights keep things exciting because we’re each full of passion. And I’ve never been someone who can tone that down.
Then it’s making up because fights don’t always mean something is over. It’s fighting for each other and never giving up.
There’s always been a fire in my heart that burns bright. I need someone who adds fuel to it. I need someone who can walk with me through flames and not be afraid of getting burnt. I need someone who will exchange intense looks and without words know what I’m saying.
The nice and simple guys don’t do that for me.
I know each nice guy will make someone very happy one day. It just won’t be me.